It's All About Asking...
Most money problems are really asking-for-money problems.
What’s the worst that could happen if you simply asked?
Some people get offended when I say that nearly every money problem is tied, either directly or indirectly, to a problem with asking for money. Yet money only exists because it serves as a medium of exchange from one person to another. You have to ask for it in order to get it. Hence, the saying, “The more hands you shake, the more money you make.”
The asking-for-money problem for most people, at least on the individual level in the democratized developed world, generally involves one or more of these three scenarios:
You have a problem with asking others for money (asking for a sale, asking a raise, asking for a loan, asking for a donation, asking for other financial support, etc.).
Your boss has a problem with asking their boss for your raise (or any other scenario where someone else has to ask someone else for you to get money).
You have a problem with asking yourself if you’re ready to quit the job or make some other serious change(s) in your life, career, or business so you can earn more and not be at the mercy of those who want to tell you “No!”
Too many would prefer to dwell on the second scenario than to ever even acknowledge their power and the possibilities with the first and third. I know it’s not always easy for everyone, but if we really want something different, we have to at least start to consider how we can do something different.
Yes, we have a lot of inequality and systemic economic problems. There is far too much taking without asking going on. Far too many are struggling to literally stay alive in a world where it can feel like no one cares. I’ve gone through periods where I was among them; losing work, getting evicted, going bankrupt, losing nearly everything, and still getting denied food stamps, unemployment assistance, and the other traditional resources made for a very rough time to live. I took my lumps, learned from my failures, and eventually got into a position to right the ship. But rather than play a victim, I’d rather be a victor and do my part to help with what is a very solvable problem—at least it’s a very solvable problem for those who are willing to change how they think, especially how they think about money, business, and success.
At least in countries with a free or near-free market, even those of us who are in the most desperate of conditions have a chance to move up the economic ladder if they’re willing to be resourceful and do enough asking without fear of judgment. We just have to remember that our greatest power is our power to choose and we have to choose to take the necessary actions and ask. And as I experienced, you can also move down the ladder if you choose to not act because your fear of judgment or your ego causes you to not want to do enough asking.
The glorification of “rugged individualism” combined with the illusion we live in a pure meritocracy causes far too many of us to fear looking too weak if we ask for even the most modest of help. Moreover, too many of us may have been overly coddled and thus may not know how to healthily deal with the rejection, criticism, and judgment that’s inevitably part of the process—myself included!
Asking Atrophy
Animals are never afraid to seek out and ask for what they want, as most people’s pets can demonstrate. We too are born with a natural ability to ask for whatever we want. Babies don’t have to take a class on how to keep crying until they’re satisfied. But this natural ability to ask gets taught out of us by our parents, teachers and others as we get older. And often for the rest of our lives, we may opt to stay comfortable by avoiding hard conversations, especially around money. When I was a kid, I learned to always ask my dad for anything I wanted that cost a lot of money; unlike my mom, he would almost always say yes or find a way!
I like pointing out how student loans can be an example of how you can make a decision to move your life forward without having the money. It could be an empowering perspective if not for all the problems with the system. But there is also a big consequence of their easy availability that doesn’t get talked about. The faceless process for receiving the loans, not to mention for receiving many other forms of debt and financial aid, arguably contributes to an atrophy in our ability to actually ASK people for money or support.
It’s kind of like how many would rather transact via a phone app and never interact with another human for many things, whether it’s for a pizza or a car. Student loans and their fine print promissory notes generally don’t require any hard human-to-human conversations for actually getting the money. And even if there were more commonly available options to just directly ask someone for help with the cost of an education, many would still opt to take out the loans rather than allow someone to say “No” to their career dreams.
Society has conditioned us to expect academic success to automatically translate into financial success. So many of us just take out the loans and double down on getting the good grades. However, as I talked about with
on the Choralosophy Podcast a couple years ago, we no longer live in a world where the good grades guarantee a good job—though majoring in choral education will still give you a greater probability of getting you full-time employment in music than majoring in vocal performance!
Reversing the Asking Atrophy
Just as an atrophied muscle can be reversed with regular exercise and a proper diet, you can reverse the atrophy with your “asking muscle” with a dedicated period of study around the right people. Hence the programs I offer! Like with any other craft or trade, it takes constant-spaced repetition and dedicated study to make lasting changes to our habits.
Much of the work that has to be done is with understanding how our mind works and reprogramming the beliefs and values that can subconsciously control our lives. We often have to undo this “perfect student” or “perfect employee” mindset and replace it with an “empowered entrepreneur” mindset. And like therapy, the hardest part for many is to check the ego long enough so they can get in the door!
One of my biggest goals for impacting the world for the better is to help as many people as possible prime their mindsets and gain a foundation of confidence in their ability to actually ask for actual money for what they’re most meant to offer. No matter our level or profession, these three key asking topics or skills are ones we can always keep studying and getting better at:
Asking for the sale (or any equivalent transaction).
Asking for more (a higher price, a higher salary, etc.).
Asking for help (loans, referrals, advice, etc.)
Simple enough, right? So simple they’re hardly taught, even in many business schools. Most of the soft skills like actually building relationships, being influential, self advocacy and communicating our value tends to not get much attention. Or if they are, it’s often in an archaic, conceptual style devoid of how real people actually interact in the real world—unless your clients are going to be from the same classroom!
If you‘re willing to make an intentional effort to study and keep getting better and better at asking for the above three things with the utmost honesty, trust, and integrity, then so long as you’re offering something viable of value, you can attain practically anything you want in life!
Marketing is also all about asking
The above infographic of lead-generating activities is a synthesis of what I’ve garnered from many coaching trainings when I first started out in the coaching business. (I’m waiting to find out if I need to finally update it with TikTok!) But every time I have a client expressing frustration with their ability to generate or get leads for their business, I send them this infographic again. There’s almost always something on the page that could be tried again. There’s also almost always someone who can be called again.
It’s easy to think we need to be master technicians of how to advertise on social media, outsmart the algorithms, have a perfect looking website, look perfect on Instagram, etc. The “Keeping up with the Jones’s” mentality can make us prone to giving up before we even fully try. We have to remember that to the right people, being an authentic relatable human in real life is always going to be more valuable than looking “perfect” online.
One of my mentors advises that you should make your first $100K or equivalent goal through word-of-mouth, networking, and referrals before paying for advertisements, search engine optimization, or making any other significant marketing investment. Part of this is because you need to give yourself a chance to work with enough different people to figure out what your niche really is before doing all the extra busy work online. The above sheet should have enough ideas to get you to your first big goal so long as you’re willing to pick up the phone, meet with enough potential prospects, or go to enough places to be heard.
When in doubt, keep having conversations, keep asking for referrals, keep asking for help, and keep building awareness of what you offer and its value. I once heard another coach say that he assigns his private clients to make 100 phone calls in a week—and the catch is you can’t end the call until they say “yes” to a sale or they hang up the phone! How would you feel about that kind of an assignment?
Entrepreneurship isn’t a get-rich-quick scheme, even though a lot of people are trying to get rich quick by making you think you can get rich quick. But if “like causes” produce '“like effects,” and you stay committed and faithful to the journey, you will inevitably get rich or richer in due time.
Remember that personal contact is the key to success—perfect social media is key to appeasing some of the masses who will almost never buy anyway!
Getting you into my door
As I write this, I just realized I also need to add Substack to the above infographic! This Substack, and eventually the books and other resources are my own way of getting people into my door and learning about what I have to offer. I can’t cover everything you need to know to improve your mindset and business acumen in a single book, nor in a bunch of articles. And even if I could, you’d still get to a point to where you’d need at least some support from a coach or mentor in real time.
Having a mentor is the fastest way to success. It’s the only true shortcut in business. No one reaches higher levels of success without guidance from someone who can show them what they can't see, point out where they're playing it safe, recognize what else they may need, and otherwise expand their thinking. The greatest value I offer comes in the form of a uniquely curated experience, a support system, and empathetic accountability so the client can make a lasting transformation.
That being said, I'm currently accepting applications for a couple openings on my private client roster starting next month or starting in the summer. If you or if someone you know might be seeking help with a business or personal development matter, whether it's figuring out a new business endeavor from scratch or finding the next level of success, you’re welcome to apply on my site. I’ll be in touch shortly to set up a conversation.
